Just wanna share this story..

my mom only had one eye..

i hated the fact that i had to be stuck with a retard for a mother.
i hated her... she was such an embarressment..
my mom ran a small shop at a flea market.
she collected little weeds and such to sell... anything for the money we needed
she was such an embarressment.
there was this one day during elementary school..
it was field day, and my mom came.
i was so embarressed. how could she do this to me? i threw her a hateful look and ran out.

the next day at school...
"your mom's a retard with one eye?!?!" ..and they taunted me.
i wished that my mom would just dissappear from this world
so i said to my mom,
"mom.. why dont you have the other eye?!
if you're only gonna make me a laughingstock, why dont you just die?!!!"
my mom did not respond..
i guess i felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that i had said what i'd wanted to say all this time..
maybe it was because my mom hadnt punished me,
but i didnt think that i had hurt her feelings very badly.

that night...
i woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
my mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me.
i took a look at her, then turned away.
because of the thing i had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart.
even so, i hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. so i told myself that i would grow up and become successful.
cause i hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty..

then i studied real hard.
i left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence i had.

then, i got married.
i bought a house of my own.
then i had kids, too..
now i'm living happily as a successful man.
i like it here because it's a place that doesnt remind me of my mom.

this happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when..

what?!
who's this?!
...it was my mother...
..still with her one eye.
it felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me.
my little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye.
and i asked her,

"who are you?!"
"i dont know you!!!" as if trying to make that real. i screamed at her," how dare you come to my house and scare my daughter!"


"GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!"

and to this, my mother quietly answered,
"oh, i'm so sorry. i may have gotten the wrong address,"
and she dissappeared out of sight.


thank good ness... she doesnt recognize me..
i was quite relieved.

i told myself that i wasnt going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life.
then a wave of relief came upon me...

one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. so, lying to my wife that i was going on a business trip, i went.
after the reunion, i went down to the old shack, that i used to call a house...just out of curiosity

there, i found my mother fallen on the cold ground.
but i did not shed a single tear.
she had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was a letter to me.

my son...
i think my life has been long enough now..

and... i wont visit Seoul anymore...
but would it be too much to ask if i wanted you to come visit me once in a while?
i miss you so much.. and i was so glad when i heard you were coming for the reunion.
but i decided not to go to the school.
...for you...
and i'm sorry that i only have one eye, and i was an embarressment for you.

you see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. as a mom, i couldnt stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye... so i gave you mine...
i was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new wolrd for me, in my place, with that eye. i was never upset at you for anything you did.. the couple times that you were angry with me,.. i thought to myself, 'it's because he loves me..'

my son... oh, my son...
i dont want you to cry for me, because of my death.

please dont cry....
my son, i love you so much.

something gripped the corner of my heart.

and tears were flowing from the eye that my mother had given me..
my mom... my loving mom...
such simple words as 'i love you', that i never told her...
such simple things as buying my mom a dinner.
such simple things as buying her pretty clothes... that i never did...

and still, my mom loved me til her very end....
im sorry..
it wasnt my mom that was the retard with one eye...
it was me, that....

all these things i realized too late... mother, please forgive me...
mother, im sorry... im so sorry.....
and the words i never got around to telling you,....

i love you.
...i love you mom...

Melissa Mc Clelland
732-718-1996 Cell

I am not ashamed of my mom..thoug she is not perfect but i love her so dearly...

" Just wanna thanks dae Ivy for making my blog looks so beautifull..thanks a lot dae iv's..hope you know how much i appreciate it..i really love my new house now..am sure every visitors will love it too..right?"